The start of this thing they call cancer.....

So I decided to try this blog thing out....my mind has been going crazy with thoughts since having cancer so i thought this might help to release some of all the built up shit in my head..Like I said this is MY blog so I'm going to be upfront and honest and say how I feel. Some days I may be happy, some days sad ,some days even pissed off. I may nag and bitch and complain. There may be occasional cursing (Sorry Mom & Dad) My spelling won't be perfect.My grammar may not be correct but I am only human. This is not a place for judgement so I am saying right now if you feel the need to...leave. So I guess I should start by telling my story even though I feel that I've told this story too many times to count....but for all that don't know me I will introduce myself. My name is Kristin and I am 25 years old. I grew up in the small town of Lititz, Pennsylvania and went to Warwick High school. I had a normal childhood ...no crazy stories to tell you there ...I guess I was pretty spoiled at times which you don't realize until you get older and look back thinking damn, I was a spoiled rotten brat as a kid. I suppose that happens to a lot of us when we get older and grow up. I have the most amazing parents who have raised me well weather they realize it or not. I love them so much for that. I have two siblings an older brother and older sister who besides normal sibling rivalry are the best brother and sister I could have asked for. I also am married to a guy who I never thought was out there for Me. His name is Jon and He is the most loving and amazing man I have ever met. People may see things differently because Jon and I have had our moments and we have got into some crazy fights and can be pretty wacky and people think wow they are nuts but i assure you I believe our love is one of the deepest and truest you will find. He is my soul mate. So all in all things in my life were great and to be honest I didn't realize how great things were and I took my life for granted until something happened to me that totally changed me. I got cancer. Boy did this throw me for a loop....This is the crazy thing....when I was young I always felt that I was going to get cancer....almost like a premonition...of course people didn't believe me and I honestly didn't believe myself but I can clearly remember talking to my sister and you know how you would have those silly conversations with friends saying "sooo, how do  you think you are going to die when you are older" ( or maybe I'm  just a freak and only had those convos) I always would say I think I'm going to get cancer. Why couldn't I have said" umm well I am going to be 100 years old and die lying on a tropical island with a drink in my hand." Now don't read this and think I am trying to be pessimistic here or that I am saying I am going to die from my cancer any time soon but lets be realistic....I have a cancer that can not be cured so will it take me some day...I am sure of it but not on cancers watch...on my own and when God wants me to come home but I feel will not be any time soon. Oh and for those that don't know the type of cancer I have its called Medullary Thyroid Cancer...and no thyroid cancer is NOT the good type of cancer to have..it fucking sucks(sorry Mom & Dad for the language) if I'm going to be blunt....its sick what the media says about thyroid cancer...no cancer is good..I got diagnosed in 2011 ...about a week after I got married and came back from my honeymoon....what a freakin joy to hear that news. My endocrinologist wanted me to get a thyroid biopsy before I got married but I was already too crazy at that time planning my wedding and this was the last thing I wanted to worry about so i opted to wait till we got back from our honeymoon. I got my needle biopsy a few days after getting home...for anyone who has every gotten a thyroid biopsy it is not the most pleasant thing to endure. There I layed on the hard table( if they are gonna do all of these scans and tests in hospitals they should at least have a nice bed or something comfortable to lay on.jeeze..don't you think?) Those stupid bright lights shining down on me and that funky hospital smell. There were a few people in the room and then they started by putting a shot in my neck for numbing...you know how they say it ..."just a pinch" well that pinch freaking hurts....then they started sticking in this bigger needle thingy to actually take out pieces of the thyroid...that sucked too it was just like a pressure but very uncomfortable but i endured it because i just wanted it to be over...they took 10 passes all together..

Imagine this coming at your neck! Yikes!

I knew this time was different by their faces and reactions..All I was thinking was shit this isn't good.

 I found out about 2 days later after work about having cancer. My best friend at the time came to visit me at work ...I got done at 7pm that day and we went and sat in my car and enjoyed a cig together...she knew I was awaiting my biopsy results that day and came to be support, which even though we drifted a part to this day I am happy she was with me. I got the phone call and I knew right away I had cancer....my endo sounded soo monotone and somber....not that I wanted her to call and be like " OMG! guess what girl you have cancer!! Congrats!" But it would have been nice to sound a little positive..so I was then told that it was a rare form ...i freaked out...I cried like i never cried before...i screamed...I asked her am i going to die in which she responded...well it could be deadly...hey at least she was honest..My friend called my husband for me because I was too upset to speak.I was stuck in this reality I didn't want to hear.I couldn't move or speak. I was in shock. My husband got to my work soo fast he had to have been speeding. He got into the car and just held me while I just sobbed. I can't remember if he called my parents or if I did..I am assuming he probably had to since I was still in a state of shock...we went to my parents house and as soon as I walked in the door..I saw the tears in my parents eyes..My dad greeted me at the door and asked if I was okay I said no and just cried while he hugged me..my sister and brother in law arrived shortly after and then my brother..we cried together and mourned the news of my health..This was a bittersweet moment for me that I will never ever forget...My family being together in such a vulnerable moment. I always knew my family would be there for me but this moment really confirmed it..I remember also us sitting around and we got our wedding photos back and we all looked at the photos together and laughed and smiled..I'll never forget it for as long as i live....sooo that was the start of this crazy cancer journey I am on....I have a lot more to write but I wrote way to much already and I'm getting cancer brain...( I am allowed to use the cancer card since I have it :-D) Don't worry not all my blogs will be this long. or maybe some will..but had to get the basic story out there...soo now I am going to finish the evening hanging out with my hubby (since I've been ignoring him writing this) and watching a damn good movie called Erin Brokovich( spelling?) Until next time..