GOT FAITH?

Today I am having anxiety. It's one of those days that I have been thinking a lot about the cancer and about starting the chemo drug soon. I got a phone call today from Biologics which is the company that makes the chemotherapy I will be starting. They called to set up a time that the drug can be delivered to me. They are so nice to talk to and you can tell they genuinely care, which is refreshing. So just to give you all a little background on the drug that I am going to be starting, the name of the drug is called Caprelsa. It is an oral chemotherapy that I will be taking daily.So it is different from a typical chemotherapy that most people have heard about that is given through an IV. Some of the side effects are the big "d" (diarrhea), sun sensitivity, QT prolongation( which means the change of electrical activity of the heart),blood pressure issues, skin reactions such as rashes,blisters etc, fatigue and several more.

Don't we all wish we would read this on the side of a medication bottle??

 This of course makes me very nervous. Sometimes it gets me frustrated when people say to me "Oh it will be fine, you will be okay." Which I agree no matter what happens I'll make the best out of it but sometimes I just want to be like "okay...well you take it and then lets see how you feel on it...don't worry you will be okay." It's just scary seeing these side effects and thinking some of that stuff could happen to me. I just pray that I am able to stay strong during this and that my body tolerates the drug well. I know that God will never give me anything I couldn't handle. So I guess no matter what happens in the future I will take each day as it comes and be okay with it, not saying I won't be scared or nervous but I will deal with it. I am slowly accepting more and more that this is my life now. My life is different now that I have cancer but I always have to remember that cancer is not my life. I will not let cancer rule my life and control my life. I will control cancer. I will do anything necessary to beat cancer down and make it weak.

 

I love the quote above. Every time I am feeling down I will go back and look at this quote to remember that cancer does affect a lot of things but there are also many many more important things that it wont affect in my life and that I won't allow it to affect. I woke up this morning and just thanked God that I am here today, that I have a wonderful family and support system and that I am living and breathing. Despite everything, I am very thankful. Through all of this, I have never been angry towards God. I know when somethings happen in peoples lives that they may turn their backs away from God but I feel that if anything, he is giving me this cross to carry and I am more the willing to carry it for Him. I know that His will and my will may not always be the same, however I am learning to live my life through faith and trust in Him. With that said, I'll end this post with a quote...till next time...