Soo today I'm kinda in an annoyed mood....probably part of it has to do with that I slept HORRIBLE last night but also I want to say ....sometimes peoples opinions need to stay to themselves. I'm just putting all of my faith into God that whatever happens during this journey I am on is for a reason. I am trusting Him that He put me into the right Dr's hands and that things will be OK. To be honest I am totally fucking clueless to a point of what to do and what not to do when it comes to this cancer...whats right and whats wrong? I don't know...I just know that I need to take each day as it comes and just live, breathe and take in every moment. I get so sick and tired of not knowing if the decision I am making about this cancer is the right one or the wrong one...I am just going with the flow and like I said I know that whatever path God puts me on through this is the right one for me..maybe not for others but for ME it is. Do I want to start this Chemo...of course not....who in their right mind would??? I frankly, don't want to do any of this shit....I DON'T WANT CANCER, but with that said I have it, I will deal with it and hell even despite the odds I may even beat it to a pulp. No body wants cancer...no one wants to make these kind of decisions yet alone at any age but at 25!! I don't think so! This is not how I pictured my life at 25...not at all....however this is how my life is supposed to be...this is the way God wants my life to play out so i will be a fair player and play the game to the best of my ability. This past week I have been particularly more stressed out so excuse the bitch fest I just had but I needed to vent....some days I get so frustrated being in this body and dealing with this that I just need to scream, cry, have a temper tantrum like a 2 year old and then after all that is done I go back to dealing with it...putting a smile on my face, moving forward and living again...and with that I sigh a big sigh of relief and I feel better....until next time...
Kristin...I'm reading your blog everyday and going through the ups and downs with you. You really write from the heart and it is so honest. You have every right to feel any way you do. I hope the best for you always:)
ReplyDeleteI love how honest you are! I miss that :) and I miss you. You put your life in God's hands and he will show you the path to take. He is always with you and will continue to be with you, helping you make decisions etc. Stay strong and believe in him! Love ya
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