Big decisions...

I feel like I am at war right now. I feel like my body, mind and most importantly God are telling me to do something and modern medicine and Dr's and even family to some extent are suggesting to do another. Do I listen to what the rest of the world thinks is right?? Or do I trust my body, mind and soul that what I am feeling is right? Some people are going to read this and say okay..."she is completely off of her rocker, insane." Some people will read this and probably think " I couldn't agree more." So here is my dilemma and BIG decisions that I need to make...and frankly I feel in my heart need to be made sooner rather then later....

Okay so lets put it out there...as if you don't already know...I am sick, I am very sick. I have a cancer that can not by modern medicine be cured. Yes, This treatment I am taking is prolonging life...it could even possibly be shrinking some tumors and regressing the cancer a bit for now, But is this really how I want to live the rest of my life? Do I want to be relying on these medicines that are essentially killing my healthy cells and my immune system just so I can say that I am living longer or that I am still here? Since starting these treatments, I always felt like these treatments are not right for me. If these were a known cure for me...it would be a COMPLETELY different story. However they are not and never will be. Why should I choose to live on these toxic medicines and feel like shit on a daily basis. Is that really living? Is that how I want my life to be and my body to feel? The answer for me is absolutely not. Some of you( particularly family) may be reading this thinking...."oh my gosh, she is giving up...she is already putting in the towel." This is absolutely not true. If anything, I am standing up for my body and my self and I am going to fight this cancer the way I feel God has intended me to. How am I supposed to fight this deadly cancer if I don't even feel close to well enough to do it?? I need to feel at my best and I need to have a strong immune system and body to fight this. I need all of the strength I can get. Modern medicine and statistics say that this cancer is incurable for me. I say anything is curable. If you have God first and foremost, inner strength and hope and love...then I feel anything is possible. " Through God, anything is possible." I have very very strong feelings to stop or drastically reduce the dose of this chemo in the next few weeks...then eventually I am going to stop ALL chemo and go to all natural remedies/vitamins and start the process of completely changing my eating habits/lifestyle and exercise daily .I started the treatments at full dose in the beginning because I felt I had no choice. This is what I am "supposed" to do. I was supposed to go on these treatments and when they shrunk a tumor or two was supposed to be jumping for joy. Wow, a tumor shrinks...that is great but like I said before...all this is doing is prolonging...this isn't healing me at all...this isn't making me better. I feel like it is a false hope. This is a hard decision. This is something I have been contemplating for a while but was just very quiet about it( except for with my husband) After very long consideration and research I am deciding that I am stopping all of these treatments and I am going to do what I feel God wants me to do. I am going to go the all natural route, I feel like God has been speaking to me clearer then ever and I feel like in my heart and soul this is the right decision. Is it scary?? Absolutely I am scared, I am human and I have no idea what can happen. Could things get worse? Yes they can, but I am walking on true faith right now. I feel that God will not let things get worse. I feel that this is the beginning to a beautiful healing journey for me. I have true faith that everything is going to be okay no matter what happens. I know this is all probably hard for my family to hear because it is very very scary and lets face it this is the real world...you hear so many things from media and some doctors and you begin to believe that. But most of all I need your support and I need you like I do to trust in God and trust in my decision. Besides, I know I have the best Dr. that there is who is looking after me...and that is Our Lord. <3

This is something I hate doing and I don't ask for help very often. Some of  you may feel the need to help and some of you may not. I don't want anyone to feel any pressure or anything but this is where we need a bit of financial help. In order to get all of the things I will need to start my new healing cancer journey, Jon and I have sat down and figured out it will be around 700-800 dollars to get me started on my new treatment regimen. Due to everything, obviously this is something Jon and I don't currently have, however I feel I need to start this sooner rather then later so I can get off my current treatment plan and begin to get these toxins out of my body. Jon and I are starting up a donation website to help us to get what we need to get started on my new journey. Any little bit of help is so very appreciated. Like I said, I really hate doing this but I really didn't know what else to do. Here is the link to our website below....

http://www.gofundme.com/56izrc

We can't thank you all enough for your continued love, and support...you all are keeping me alive and fighting!! Thank you so very much <3 I love every single one of you!! Please keep praying for Myself, Jon and my family...that we can find healing and have peace of mind while making these very hard decisions. Until next time my friends....