Something missing....

Have You ever had that feeling that someone or something was missing from your life but you have no idea who or what it is? Well I've been having that feeling for sometime now and that feeling has been very strong this week....I have no idea what it is but I feel that something or someone is missing in my life....I guess I will just pray about it...until next time....

Keep me strong Lord.

Today is a bad day for me.....I try so hard to stay positive but sometimes things just creep into my mind....im very sad today and I hate days like this...I feel like I have this self pity thing going on and I really do hate that...I try to stay strong all the time and sometimes the cancer tries to take over....I know I will get out of this funk and be just fine in a little while but I just have my moments....I need to keep reminding myself that God is with me and will always be. I get so angry when I get in this moments when I get really sad or depressed because I know I am stronger then that...I'm going out tonight with my Sister & Jeff and possibly Alyssa and Tyler because I feel like I am going nuts...I need to laugh and just have fun. I know that being around such positive, wonderful people will lift my spirits....another thing that lifted me up today is recieving a check in the mail from giveforward.com. My Mom & Dad set up a fundraiser to help Jon and I out financially since we have been struggling to pay bills. They raised $1,340 for us. That means so much to us....I can sit here and cry just thinking about how wonderful people are and how grateful I am. I thank you all soo much for helping Jon and I. You all are my angels. Thank You. With that said I am going to end my blog today with a prayer.

I pray to the Lord that he keeps me strong and keeps me going. Help me to fight this cancer and to live life to the fullest everyday. Help me to remember to live through You and to know that everything is going to be OK. Heal my mind, body and soul and just keep walking beside me during this path I am on.I thank You for putting such wonderful and loving people into my life. Thank You. I ask this in your precious name. Amen.

Slaying the Giant of Fear...

I used to be a very spoiled, self- centered person. I took advantage of people although im sure many didn't realize. I was manipulative and always felt like I deserved whatever I wanted....I am ashamed that I was that way...the person I used to be. I am so glad that person is long gone....I am constantly changing every day. I am a far better person now then I used to be...I genuinly care for people and want the best for them. I want better for me to...I really hated myself before and I still have a long way to go but I am starting to accept myself. My husband is constantly telling me how my self esteem is so low and he doesn't understand it. I never really felt good about myself ...I hated many things about myself. I never thought cancer would change me in such a positive way. I am starting to feel the best I have ever felt. I am starting to feel like the real me that I knew was deep down inside my soul this whole time. It is such a great feeling.

 I can thank so many people for helping me become who I want to be but the top person to thank is God. He has brought me through this and keeps me so strong. I have so much faith in Him and know that without Him in my life I would be absolutely no where. I have always believed in God but I don't think in the past I truely trusted...I didn't understand why certain things happen to certain people or to me. Now I give all my trust to the Lord because He has been such a huge part in me getting through this cancer and I know that whatever happens in the future is meant to happen. Death is in everyones future but I am not scared at all...I am excited for when that day comes that I can be with My Lord forever and have eternal peace and happiness. Society today is so scared of the word Death and yes it could be a scary thing if you look at it that way, but we need to look at death as a positive thing and that God will take care of us. Have faith & trust that everything will work out the way it is supposed to. My Husband and I have been taking time out everyday to pray and read from the Bible. We are currently reading a book together that is called Slaying The Giants in Your Life. Right now we are reading about Slaying the giant of fear (Deuteronomy 1:19-40) I want to end my blog today with a verse from the bible which Jon and I read together yesterday...maybe it can help others like it helped us...." The Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed" ( Deuteronomy 31:8) Until Next time....

Dr's and cheesecake...a great combination :)

Haven't blogged in a bit.....so yesterday I had another Philly appointment....just a check up...they did my normal EKG which was good and also did some bloodwork and bloodpressure checks....everything turned out great with all of that...so far so good. I thought I was going to have to go back everyweek for the next 3 weeks but turns out I only have to go back next month...so I am excited to get a little break here. My next trip will be finding out the results of my MRI and catscans to see if the chemo is shrinking the tumors...a little nerve raking but I have faith it will all turn out just the way it is supposed to.

 

 After my appointment we all went to the cheesecake factory and got some good grub. I have always wanted to go to the cheesecake factory and I really enjoyed it...the cheesecake was to die for! Just got to check another thing off my bucket list :) The little things truely do make me soo happy!! Thanks Kelli for taking us and treating us to a delicious meal!! Love you soo much!! xoxo

I got a new sunshine bag...unfortunately I can't take a picture because my camera ran out of batteries...but this sunshine bag was from my Aunt Renee/ Uncle John and family....they got me cute herb signs for my garden...some prevention health magazines....a tshirt that pretty much says kick cancers butt! and also some awesome watercolor paints and canvas's which I already got out and painted up a little something! Thank You all so much for the sunshine bag! I loved it!!

Jon is with his little brother today...he joined the big brother/little brother program. They went to play laser tag and then go play some basketball as long as the rain holds out. I think this is such an awesome program and I know will not only impact his little brother but will impact Jon in a positive way as well! I am also excited to know that we can make a difference in someones life! Such a great program! Well that is all for now! Till next time...

There are no words.....

Wow.....I am starting off my blog with that simple word because that is all I can say to explain last night.....My cousin Alyssa and her now husband Tyler had there beautiful wedding last night!! It was perfect and such a fabulous day! Alyssa looked absolutely stunning and Tyler looked handsome as usual! The day started out rainy and with some nerves because of the weather but I knew God would provide a beautiful day for us and just when we needed him He opened up the sky for the ceremony and even to get the pictures in and it was amazing! The day couldn't have went any smoother and everything turned out perfect for them! I am so honored to have been a part of their special day! Mr & Mrs White- I love you both very much and I am so proud and happy for you both! You deserve nothing but happiness and I hope you took in every moment you could from yesterday because it goes by so quickly! You guys are such a strong couple....always cherish eachother....tell eachother you love eachother many times throughout the day..... and most of all always trust in God and always put Him first in your marriage! Have a fantastic time on your honeymoon...can't wait to pick you up at the airport and see you when you get back! I love you!

Also on another note....today is Mothers Day....we celebrate mothers day as a single day but we should really be celebrating every day shouldn't we?? I love you soo much Mom and I am soo blessed to have you as my Mother! You have taught me so much and have been there for me through thick and thin. You are one amazing woman and also the strongest woman I know. Thank You for being there for me through everything with the cancer and also just through life in general. You helped shape me into the woman I am today and I am forever grateful for that! I love You more than you will know and again I thank you for everything!! xoxox

Happy Mothers Day to all of the Mothers out there! Enjoy this special day and remember to not just celebrate Mothers Day today but everyday!! God gave You all such a beautiful day today so go out and make the most of it!!!

Till next time :)

Finally ...I'm back :)

Finally after a long enough wait we got our computer, so I can get back to blogging! Not a whole lot of new stuff has happened since I last blogged...This weekend is my cousin Alyssa and Tylers wedding so I am very excited for that...Us girls will all be going to get mani's and pedis tomorrow...can't wait to relax during that...

my next Dr appointment at Philly is next week ....that will just be a follow up appointment where I will get my normal EKG and bloodwork...then a week after that I will be getting my scans done to see if the chemo is shrinking tumors and the week following that I will have to go to philly again for the results of the scans....a lot of Philly trips ahead in my future! All in all i've been feeling pretty good....still have a pretty good amount of energy and stomach issues have been kept to a minimum....my Dr says that this next month coming up could be a little more difficult since my chemo will start to be at its peak and then some side effects should get better and less noticable. So i am looking forward to me getting more and more used to the side effects....that will be a big relief when that happens!

 Jon and I continue to grow stronger and stronger in our relationship....He is my best friend and I love him soo much...I can't thank God enough for putting such a wonderful, caring and strong man into my life. We have been taking time out every night for some dedication time out of the bible. It has made us much stronger in our marriage and its a nice quiet time to forget about whats going on around us and to just concentrate on God and our life together. 

 Our garden is starting to come up nicely....the beans are sprouting up, also hot peppers, tomatoes, radish's and spinach. Also, our herbs are starting to poke up from the dirt as well. I love the idea of a garden ,watching the seeds that we planted growing into delicious veggies....yum! I can't wait until they are fully harvested...we've been loving to grill lots of veggies on the grill so far so I can't wait until we can try our own garden veggies :)

I have also got some more sunshine bags....unfortunately I wasn't thinking to take pictures of stuff when I didn't have the computer but I will share with You what I got~
My parents- They got me lots of fun and warm socks, body wash, chocolate covered oreos, high spf lotion, also a book I have been wanting to read by one of my meddies in the meddie group I am a part of! Thank you Mom and Dad!! I love you both very much and love my gifts!
Melanie- got me the book The Vow....i'm sure many of You have seen the movie The Vow but I highly recommend the book because it has a totally different view from the movie and it talks about believing in God and having faith through everything. It was a beautiful book...I wish the movie showed that side of the book in it! She also got me a candle and pretty candle holder and a faith willow tree angel...that i love! Thanks Melanie!!
Corey & Kristin- They got me a oil bottle for salad dressings or olive oils which had different inspirational words on it, a set of great smelling yankee candle candles, and a larger yankee candle that also smells amazing!Thank You guys so much!!
Liz Rowe- Liz is one of my sisters friends! Liz got me a yankee candle beach smelling car air freshner, a cute sunflower fridge magnet, a little sunflower candle and a little decoration for the house! This stuff makes me think of the ocean and I love ocean so thank you so much Liz!

I still continue to be in awe of all of the thoughtful things people have done for Jon and I during this time! I am so thankful to Our Lord for blessing me with such wonderful, and generous people in my life! You all have been such angels to me and it will be something that I  hold special for the rest of my life! Thank You All!!!  Well I think that pretty much updates everyone on what has been going on lately!! I hope everyone has a wonderful upcoming weekend!! :) Until next time...