A new chapter in my life....

Things have been going pretty well for me....I have been feeling pretty good for the most part since getting over my recent sinus infection that really pulled me down and I am starting to feel "normal" again since adding another medicine to my synthroid regimen.... I now take 25mcg of cytomel which is a T3 supplement ...I have been reading that sometimes the T4 in synthroid which is supposed to convert to T3 just sometimes doesn't work as well as its supposed to and doesn't convert right so I decided I was sick of feeling like crap ....sleeping weird patterns...losing hair...gaining weight....even when my numbers were in the normal range....something wasn't right still...so I decided to ask my doctor to add this to my synthroid regimen and what a difference it has made.....I have more energy...my sleeping is back to normal....my hair got thicker and I am able to not yoyo with my weight so much.....its a great feeling! Lets pray and hope my body stays adjusted like this for a while!!

 Another positive thing that happened is I will be finally after almost 2 years, will be going back to work again. I will only be working a few hours but I think it will be perfect. I will be working back at Supercuts as a receptionist....I finally feel I am ready to get back into the swing of things! It is such a good feeling to be able to not just be making a little money to help out Jon and I but to get back into the salon world and to be in my atmosphere again....It has been nice to have the time off that I had to find myself again and become a stronger person, I am now at a point in my life where I am more content with having this cancer and knowing how to deal with it and I knew this was the right time to work again. Jon has been soo supportive of me through everything and I am so grateful to him. He has told me that I never had to work again if I didn't want to but he wanted me to do whatever makes me happy. I know how much he struggles with keeping us a float at times and knew that enough was enough and I couldn't let that happen anymore....I know it isn't going to be much more money but I feel good that I can help a little bit...even if its just with groceries....I feel it will be the perfect thing for me to do since it will only be 4 hour shifts at a time and I know that is totally doable with everything going on! I am very excited to start this new chapter in my life and continue to look at the positive of everything this life brings for me. Thank you Lord for giving me this wonderful opportunity!! Until Next time!! :)

 

 

Oh by the way....today ends thyroid cancer awareness month....I will NEVER stop spreading awareness though but please please please do me a huge favor and most of all yourself a HUGE favor....GET YOUR NECK CHECKED!!! Thank you all!!

 

Let go and Let God......

Something to REALLY think about....

I'm feeling compelled to talk a little bit about how my faith has completely been cemented since being diagnosed and just to talk a little bit about God and how I came to be how I am today.....I am going to be honest....I always believed in God but I never really practiced and lived with complete faith everyday....I was brought up as Catholic and went to church regularly with my family...I felt like going to church was just something you did on Sunday and that was enough, never realizing the real fulfillment in having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.I felt obligated to do it but I never truly got what I feel that I should have been getting out of it. I always felt like something was missing and I wasn't spiritually fulfilled. I feel that some people just go to church to just say they went to church which is sometimes what I felt like I did at times. I realized that having true faith and a true relationship with Jesus Christ means not just being satisfied with going to church Sunday but practicing every single moment and day of  your life and living a true life of meekness and humility. By writing this blog today, I just want to share how much God has blessed my life and changed it around dramatically. I used to conform more to the ways of the world and be a follower. I did what was "in" and couldn't necessarily stand on my own two feet. I was weak. I thought I had to be up on all the new trends and have the latest things or I wasn't good enough. I thought i was invincible and that nothing bad could ever happen to me. Boy was a wrong and I now recently after being diagnosed realized material things and living a life like that in my personal opinion is not the way to live at all. They do nothing but promote greed and selfishness. We unfortunately live in a world where many people only care about themselves and the benefits they get out of material things A LOT of people believe in God but also sadly A LOT of people don't...some people I would love to ask what would you do if everything was taken away from you...would you still be able to live a happy life or do you depend on those things to make you "Happy".... At one point in my life I was also guilty and acted like the way of the world... I try my hardest not to judge people that are materialistic and think that having "stuff" makes the world go round because who am I to judge but I do admit sometimes I want to just shake people and say this isn't what life is about and give them a reality check!!! But then I remember that in the end I can't change people who don't want to change...and that's not up to me anyway... because deep down I know that that at the end I have a wonderful and strong relationship with God and truly am happy now with the way I changed and live my life and people have the choice to live a good life as well...and we will ALL be judged on the day that we die on those choices we make every moment of everyday.
I used to be afraid of death but now since being diagnosed I actually find myself excited to be with God one day and to be healed and my body made whole again...no more pain, suffering...no more cancer... and have Joy and happiness for the rest of eternity. Please DO NOT take from me saying that that I think i'm gonna die soon or that I want to die or something like that because I want to live a happy and long life just like most people wish too but I feel in my heart and soul that when that time comes, weather its sooner or later in life I know I will be 100% ready whenever God takes me home with Him and will have no fear in death itself. Do I fear the possibility of pain in death...absolutely but death itself is nothing to be afraid of if you are right with God. It's the people who aren't that I have true sadness for and I urge all of you who question your relationship with God to really think about that.I'm sure some people read things I write and say "Oh great, another one of those religious people who preach about God ...and that is okay for people to look at me that way...I will never stop preaching about Our Lord.... but if you do find yourself thinking that, then I ask you to  really seach your own soul and ask yourself if YOU are right with God and if YOU are living a life a life that YOU would be proud of and if YOU would die this very moment...would you be happy with how you are treating others and how you are living? If this is even questionable then make that change to be the person you want to be...don't wait till later because we never know when our time is up on this Earth....do it now!

 

People say I am crazy when I say this but I thank God every single day for giving me this cancer and this wake up call in my life....this cancer is such a blessing in disguise and I know it is another one of Gods ways of changing me into the person that he wants me to be. He continues to bless me every day when it comes to this cancer...I am very fortunate...every single time I am scared about something I pray to our Lord and he immediately takes those fears away, he has made my body able to tolerate this chemo very well when I know these are some pretty toxic & powerful drugs that I am on and some people have it way worst with the chemo and through his grace I have very minimal side effects. I feel sooo very lucky and truely blessed that it isn't as bad as I know it truely could be. He has blessed me with the most amazing and wonderful family any body can ask for ,who has been the true definition of what a family should be like and we are unconditionally there for each other and have soo much love for each other...which I know many people don't get to experience. He has brought the most amazing man I have ever met in my entire life who I can call my husband ....and believe me before I took Jon for granted a lot and we had a pretty toxic relationship at times and fought nasty because we were both very different people before and thought we were untouchable ...so I thank God for strengthening our relationship and that I have a man who has such a wonderful relationship with God and who has pulled me closer to Him everyday and makes sure that our relationship with God is always number 1 in our marriage. I think that is why we have been able to get through all the hard times together when normally it could easily rip marriages a part, because we put God first and foremost and wow what a difference that has made....we didn't always do that....and we talk about it today and say wow we lived in such a different way before but thank Our Lord every day that he changed us and made us sooo very strong. Jon has changed my life for the good and has helped me tremendously to be a more humble, patient individual and to be grateful for everything I have in life because unfortunately Jon has had a very difficult life but I admire my husband so much for being the strong person that he is because honestly I don't know if I would be able to have the faith that he does going through what he went through in life....it is just absolutely amazing and he is the strongest person I ever met. So in ending this blog I just want people to really take a moment and think about your life....are you having fears, regrets, sadness, resentment, living selfishly??...I just know that from my personal experience that by turning to God, having COMPLETE faith and letting go of all of that has changed my life...I've had many people ask me  me..."How do you say so strong through this?" My answer is simple. God... I end this blog praying that more people in this world should truly just let go and let God. I can promise you will never ever regret it! Until Next time.....

 

 

You truely never know how much strength you have....

So I am truly amazed at some of my fellow "meddies" ....they are so strong...some of them share their stories and are battling several different cancers along with the MTC...some as many as 3 at a time....their strength is amazing and they are so courageous...I couldn't imagine battling more then 2 or 3 cancers at the same time when some days I can barely battle one. I find so much inspiration and strength from these courageous fighters....it is simply amazing and shows how much faith and love God thinks they can handle and it is truly amazing. I continue to pray for everyone in my Meddie family and all of my family and friends.... I continue to pray that you all have the strength you need to go through any mental/emotional/physical or spiritual battles you may be going through... God bless all of you! Until next time....

Truckin' along....

I haven't been feeling well at all lately....I believe that I am battling some sort of possible sinus infection/ cold on top of everything else....unfortunately when I get sick it hits me 10x worse then it did before I had cancer. Another thing is now I get kind of scared when I get a "normal" sickness because I just always pray my body has enough strength to handle it .....I shouldn't even worry because I know God will always pull me through and take care of me....like I always say I am human and worry probably too much at times. Besides feeling sick from whatever bug I may have...I have been feeling better hormonally since my thyroid hormone is FINALLY in a normal range. It still amazes me how whacked out my body gets when my hormone is out of wack. Its amazing the difference I also notice in my body. When I am out of whack my body literally swells and I feel horrible and can't fit into anything and just all around feel crummy...forget about trying to lose any weight during that time...I think I could work out and eat super good and it wouldn't make a difference...actually I just gain weight...its horrible....so glad that is over for now...I have lost weight again and my hair has grown back so much thicker when my thyroid hormone is right....its a wonderful feeling.

On another note, Jon and I were talking the other day and we decided that if by Gods grace and mercy and if it's His will to take this cancer away from me some day and to heal me that we are going to sell a bunch of our stuff.. buy an RV, take our little dog and kitties & live a completely simple life....I know some of You may say we are completely delusional and out of our rockers... but we truly feel this could be our calling.... We want to travel and spread the word of God to people and spread the word of faith, love and hope through our life stories and trials we have been through....become missionaries and really make a difference....help people in need and show our love like God has shown us throughout everything we have gone through in our lives so far....There are so many lost people in this world who just need a little faith, encouragement, hope, love and God in their lives.....We would absolutely love to do that...I would love to make a difference in this world and I know Jon would as well.....We joke around many times now saying lets just sell everything and just go ....Oh, how I would love to do that but we realize this is not realistic due to my illness and the need for medical care on a pretty regular basis, BUT I still have so much faith and hope that God is going to heal me one day and this dream of ours can come true. God has changed me into such a different person and I owe everything to Him. I feel His presence in my life everyday. The love He shows me on a regular basis is amazing and I feel truly blessed for the life I have. Until next time...

 

 

Thyroid Cancer Awareness photo shoot 2013!!

Hello! So since being diagnosed, I have been wanting to do something to represent my journey so far with cancer....I thought, well I have a Sister-in-law who is a great photographer ....so why not a thyroid cancer awareness photo shoot?! We did the photo shoot at middle creek on September 1st ...what better day then the first day of thyroid cancer awareness month! It was a very emotional photo shoot for me ...even though I didn't show it while I was doing the photo shoot, but after it was all said and done, Jon and I sat at Middle Creek after everyone left and tears were just streaming down my face ...I didn't realize it would impact me this much so it was definitely an emotional moment in my journey so far. I can't thank Ronice enough for doing this photo shoot for me...I feel very fortunate and as always blessed. Also...gotta do a little shout out...if anyone wants to get pictures done PLEASE contact Ronice Kay Photography or myself and I can contact Her. She also has a facebook page ,You can check out!!! Thank you all for continuing to read my blog and to ride along with me for this emotional, up & down journey I am on!! You all have been soo supportive and I have been showered with so much love, kindness and prayers from so many of you and from soo many people I have never even met....it is incredible how many people have reached out to me and continue to reach out to me...it makes me feel wonderful and I know a BIG reason why I am able to have as much strength and fight that I have in me, is because of all of you! THANK YOU ALL from the bottom of my heart...I wish I could hug all of you right now....so here is a virtual hug!! Until next time my friends....Enjoy the pictures!!

 

Thyroid Cancer Awareness Photo Shoot 2013

 

My brother Jason, My niece and my Sister-in-law Ronice!!

 

BIG thank you again to Ronice Kay Photography for making this shoot possible!! <3

 

Here are a couple outtake photos from the day!!

 While the photo shoot was going on uncle Jon was busy drawing "tattoos" on McCartney!! This is her showing them off!!

 McCartney and Uncle Jon having fun together....We love this little girl so much!! <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wet & Wild-----Not what you are thinking...get your mind out of the gutter!!! Jeeze!! ;)

Just have to post this ....and I know this isn't about my cancer.... but not everything in my life is about that!! I have to post because I am soo excited about it....this is for all you ladies( or Men ...whatever floats your boat ;-).....I received a nail polish in a recently received sunshine bag from my sisters friend Carissa who I also have to mention is also a breast cancer survivor and rock star!!( You go girl!! <3) One of the items she put in my gift was a nail polish and I instantly LOVED the color when I saw it...since I love purple...she mentioned how one of her friends writes a beauty blog and recommended this polish...and the awesome thing it was Wet & Wild which we all know is actually affordable!! So I just used the polish today and Wow ...definitely my new go to nail polish brand....they use a flat brush that I have never seen  before with other polishes that make it go on so nice and even and perfect....I always have trouble painting my right hand and get it all over and it went on soo smooth and nice....I love it so I decided to do my own review on this product and give it an A+..... Thanks Carissa for showing me this product!!!! Until Next time...

The color I am wearing is called " On a trip"

Internal struggles....

I've been having an internal struggle lately with myself.....I hate that I have such social anxiety. I think I would be accomplishing a lot more and being a better person if it wasn't for that. I get so angry at myself that I'm not out volunteering more and helping others more...I have so many things I want to do but have such anxiety to actually do it. I have such a fear of judgment and just being in social situations. I have always been like this....even when I was younger and in school...I never did any extra curricular activities or sports because I was so afraid of messing up and being a failure that I was too afraid. I have gotten better with this through the years as I grew up...but I still have a huge fear of this. Literally sometimes just going somewhere by myself, talking on the phone, being in any social environment with people I don't know puts me in a state of panic. I feel that a lot of that had to do with my self esteem and the fact that I hated who I was physically and sometimes mentally. I have tried so many diets and different fads and always felt the pressure to be thin from society. I never felt good about myself and had an extremely low self esteem. Its strange too because I had plenty of friends and never got teased at least not to my face....I was pretty shy and not super outgoing unless I knew you, but I wouldn't say I wasn't particularly an outcast or anything. I was pretty open minded to everyone and was friends with whoever wanted to be in my life. I envy those people that can just be themselves and outgoing and funny who everyone loved and who didn't care what people thought about them. I do have to admit I felt like I had to go along with the crowd in order to fit in...which I thank God I am not that type of person anymore ...I definitely am more secure with myself now and can stand on my own two feet and I think that comes with getting older as well, but I still get those insecurities and fear. I feel that since being diagnosed things have gotten better but again because of the stigma of cancer and that fact that I don't quite "fit" the part because I don't necessarily look "sick" really bothers me....if people only knew how hard it can be to live the life that I do at times and have the pains and everyday fears that I do...I hate how society put people who have cancer into one big bubble. They think that people who have cancer should be bald from chemo, sickly looking and in bed all the time or...when that is not the case and just because I don't "look" the part doesn't mean I feel great 100% of the time either and that I can be dismissed as just being dramatic about this or making it up....because this is something that just can't be made up....I read stories in the news in the past about how people make up having cancer to get money or to get free stuff and I think wow...why on earth would anyone want to even pretend that!? It makes me so angry when I see stuff like that.... they have no idea what people who really have cancer go through and I wouldn't wish cancer on anyone. This blog today is kind of all over the place and I apologize for that but some days my mind is just all over the place and I just type it as it comes out of my head. Anyways, I pray to God that he continues to help me get through this and continues to strengthen me though him and to help me to become a better person. I thank him for all of the strength he gives me everyday and am blessed with the constant daily reminder of his presence in my life. There are a few verses I read recently that I would like to share to end my blog today...

Luke 6:27-31 - Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.  If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.  If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic.  Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.  Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

until next time....

Be a leader not a follower.

I used to be a very weak person and let people take advantage of me all the time. I was a follower and just did what I thought was" cool" or just went along with things. I never stood up for myself. This cancer gave me a BIG reality check and made me change for the good. I am now a very strong individual who doesn't let people walk all over me or take my friendship or kindness for granted....I still give people chances but I am now not afraid to let people go out of my life who don't bring any benefit to my life or who are only in the "friendship or relationship" for selfish reasons. There comes a time in your life when enough is enough and you can only do so much for people and then it becomes up to them to change. I always give people that chance, In the past maybe even too much of a chance,but you can only give so many chances before its too much to handle. I'm not saying its an easy thing to "let" people go out of my life that once meant something but I know I can stand on my own if needed...I've thought in the past that I needed to have all of these friends and people in my life to feel or look like a better person...but I realized how wrong that is...I would rather have 1 genuine friend that a bunch who don't GENUINLY give a shit about me..Not saying that I would want to be alone because I truly know I couldn't live without my amazing Husband and my immediate family. They are my world and have been so helpful to keep me going and fighting this cancer and have shown me the true meaning of caring for a person unconditionally and I am forever thankful for that and that God gave me such a supportive and amazing family and I feel blessed in that way. The cancer has made me realize that I am worth it and I am now stronger then ever and I will cut negative people out of my life immediately if necessary. I no longer surround myself with these negative people...Negative and pessimistic people do nothing for the world or for themselves. I can no longer stand people that bitch and complain about something but do nothing to change it or to better themselves. It gets old.Whatever happened to simplicity...why does everything have to be so complicated....why is it so hard to truly be a friend or to care for someone without being selfish...you don't see that much now a days...I have too many times in the past let my guard down too soon to someone and then got shit on in return but like I said that will happen no more. If someone truly wants to be in my life they will make the effort and in return I will give my all to that person...but I no longer put myself out there to be vulnerable and give my all into people to just get let down. Life is too short to feel disappointment so that is why I choose who I do to be in my life. Everyone has this choice. If you feel that a relationship you are in is causing more hurt or sadness then it is time to let go and move on with your life. This world is so whacked out at times.. Unfortunately most of the world today learns to only care about materialistic things, media, sex, drugs.... some people just lost faith and hope and don't believe. They forgot how to just be a genuine & good person instead there are too many that abuse and are too involved in themselves to spread the love and to be a real person. I've been there and done that when I was at my lowest and weakest points....I think everyone goes through that at some point in their life but its up to them to break free from that and to step up and be change that they want to see... I've never lived a perfect life nor does anyone else  but I can truly sit here and say I am so proud of who I am and no longer live with regrets or waste my time on selfish people.I just let go and let God and that has changed my life tremendously... I encourage others to do the same.. remember be a leader not a follower....until next time...