Mean what you say and say what you mean....

Just ranting about a little pet peeve of mine....this is about no one in particular necessarily.. just something in general that really bothers me and that especially noticed since being diagnosed from many people....I have had a few people since  being diagnosed say one thing to me or my family and never follow through with things.....if you say something then follow through with it and don't just say it to make yourself feel better or to look better to others. I have come to realize that there are sadly some selfish people in this world( also beautiful and kind people as well. Which I have seen from people I never even met!)...and it usually comes from the family or friends that you would least expect it. As I have been going through this cancer diagnosis ...the true people really showed there true colors and have been there for me...I realize I don't need a lot of people in my life...when I was younger I thought it was only right to have a lot of friends and know a lot of people but that is not the case at all...a lot of those people who I thought I was friends with are fake and I get real tired of putting myself out there and not getting anything in return and that has happened too much in my life and I'm at the point where I am over that and trying to be friends with people who obviously really had no concern for me. It is so bizarre to me how people just kind of vanished after I got sick...like they are going to catch it or that because I am going through something bad they don't want it to affect there life....I am the same damn person I always have been...this cancer hasn't changed the real me...maybe it affected the way I think...I can't go out or don't have the money to do things all the time...I may not feel great some days but I am still me and friendships and relationships shouldn't be based off that stuff anyways...it completely boggles my mind when people say oh we will do this or that and never comes through....with this said I am completely and utterly happy with the people who have really been supportive of me....check up on me....call me to just see how I am doing...bring me a little pick me up surprise...just spend time with me and keep me company. There are many days when I am just too tired or sick and need to just rest at home but it is the effort that counts and that is what I really take to heart and appreciate the most.Cancer can be a very lonely world and it is a very hard world and I realize some people want to stay far away from that as possible but remember cancer does not define me..nor will it ever...do I talk about it and blog about it absolutely because lets face it...it is a big part of my life and something I will have to deal with on a daily basis forever....You always hear the story about someone who knows someone who is sick or dealing with something and then if something happens they say " I wish I would have been there more and made a better attempt to be in that persons life" and have regrets. I know I try my hardest not to live like that anymore....I want to make as many memories as possible while I am here in this world. I have to say and I have said this many times I am so blessed and thank God everyday for my amazing Husband,parents, brother and sister, sister-in law, brother in law and beautiful niece God put into my life. I am so happy with the family that God gave me and I wouldn't trade them for the world. Our family has been through so much and it only made up come together closer and we are stronger then ever. I thank God for that. I am also so thankful for my friends Corey & Kristin...we had our differences at one time but I think we grew soo much and I am so glad we can be a great support system for one another and have become so close. God put you guys back into my life for a reason and I am so glad and thankful that he did. He knew we needed each other! When I truly love someone and care for someone I give my all to them and I would do anything for any one of you!! I truly truly love you all more than you will ever know. I may not have many friends at all but I am glad I have who I have and wouldn't change it for the world. Thank you guys for the continued encouragement, support, love and keeping me fighting and going strong. I love you.

 

 

Oh and I really am not an angry person just decided to try this tell it how it is thing out with my blog...if you don't like it that is perfectly ok...and Mom & Dad...I know you read this and know how much you worry about some of my blogs...just wanted to vent a little bit...no worries you two!! love you both <3