Footprints in the sand.......

Not having my best couple days ever...but have to keep in mind that it could be A LOT worse and there are many many people in this world who suffer with physical or mental pain on a daily basis so I always try to remember no matter how bad I think the day is I know I am very fortunate. I have been having a lot of anxiety lately ....I'm thinking it would be due to the fact that this week and next week are my scan and results appointments and I ALWAYS get worked up before them....I need to remember that this is my life and its always going to be a part of my life now so its best that I get used to it but as always that little anxiety comes creeping in....Some of my meddie friends on my online meddie support group( meddie meaning medullary thyroid cancer survivors) were talking about that little voice inside our head when we have a pain or ache and a lot of times the first thing we think of is "oh no, where did the cancer go in our bodies now?" I think that has been my biggest challenge is remembering just because I may not feel good or have a pain does not necessarily mean that the cancer is progressing more and sometimes it is just me being a crazy person. I came to realize that me feeling like this is actually a normal feeling but I'll tell you what it drives me up the wall...I hate not knowing if I have something as simple as a cold or if it is caused by the cancer...it sucks royally! I realized how powerful the mind can be since being diagnosed...it can literally make you go a little loopy if you let it... My Dad and I have also talked about this several times...My Dad and I can relate a lot because we are both battling illnesses...my dad is a MS( Multiple Sclerosis) warrior in my eyes and he gets pains and aches and doesn't know if its normal or if its the MS .....although I pray and wish neither of us were going through what we are, it is nice to have someone to relate to in many ways even though we are both battling very different illnesses we can still relate the same in many ways as well. I love that I can just talk to my Dad about things that maybe other people might not get. God must really think My Dad and I are a couple of bad asses and He knows we can handle this. We all have our crosses to bear and this is ours.... I want to end my little blog today with a little story called Footprints in the Sand...I am sure many of you have heard this....Jon and I love this soo much, that we have a copy hanging in our living room so when we are down it lifts us right up again...I hope it can help anyone struggling right now to remember that even at times when we feel we can no longer go on or that things seem hopeless...there is always hope and God will always be there to lift you up and carry you when you are at your lowest....until next time....

Mean what you say and say what you mean....

Just ranting about a little pet peeve of mine....this is about no one in particular necessarily.. just something in general that really bothers me and that especially noticed since being diagnosed from many people....I have had a few people since  being diagnosed say one thing to me or my family and never follow through with things.....if you say something then follow through with it and don't just say it to make yourself feel better or to look better to others. I have come to realize that there are sadly some selfish people in this world( also beautiful and kind people as well. Which I have seen from people I never even met!)...and it usually comes from the family or friends that you would least expect it. As I have been going through this cancer diagnosis ...the true people really showed there true colors and have been there for me...I realize I don't need a lot of people in my life...when I was younger I thought it was only right to have a lot of friends and know a lot of people but that is not the case at all...a lot of those people who I thought I was friends with are fake and I get real tired of putting myself out there and not getting anything in return and that has happened too much in my life and I'm at the point where I am over that and trying to be friends with people who obviously really had no concern for me. It is so bizarre to me how people just kind of vanished after I got sick...like they are going to catch it or that because I am going through something bad they don't want it to affect there life....I am the same damn person I always have been...this cancer hasn't changed the real me...maybe it affected the way I think...I can't go out or don't have the money to do things all the time...I may not feel great some days but I am still me and friendships and relationships shouldn't be based off that stuff anyways...it completely boggles my mind when people say oh we will do this or that and never comes through....with this said I am completely and utterly happy with the people who have really been supportive of me....check up on me....call me to just see how I am doing...bring me a little pick me up surprise...just spend time with me and keep me company. There are many days when I am just too tired or sick and need to just rest at home but it is the effort that counts and that is what I really take to heart and appreciate the most.Cancer can be a very lonely world and it is a very hard world and I realize some people want to stay far away from that as possible but remember cancer does not define me..nor will it ever...do I talk about it and blog about it absolutely because lets face it...it is a big part of my life and something I will have to deal with on a daily basis forever....You always hear the story about someone who knows someone who is sick or dealing with something and then if something happens they say " I wish I would have been there more and made a better attempt to be in that persons life" and have regrets. I know I try my hardest not to live like that anymore....I want to make as many memories as possible while I am here in this world. I have to say and I have said this many times I am so blessed and thank God everyday for my amazing Husband,parents, brother and sister, sister-in law, brother in law and beautiful niece God put into my life. I am so happy with the family that God gave me and I wouldn't trade them for the world. Our family has been through so much and it only made up come together closer and we are stronger then ever. I thank God for that. I am also so thankful for my friends Corey & Kristin...we had our differences at one time but I think we grew soo much and I am so glad we can be a great support system for one another and have become so close. God put you guys back into my life for a reason and I am so glad and thankful that he did. He knew we needed each other! When I truly love someone and care for someone I give my all to them and I would do anything for any one of you!! I truly truly love you all more than you will ever know. I may not have many friends at all but I am glad I have who I have and wouldn't change it for the world. Thank you guys for the continued encouragement, support, love and keeping me fighting and going strong. I love you.

 

 

Oh and I really am not an angry person just decided to try this tell it how it is thing out with my blog...if you don't like it that is perfectly ok...and Mom & Dad...I know you read this and know how much you worry about some of my blogs...just wanted to vent a little bit...no worries you two!! love you both <3

God gained another angel today...

Today was a very sad day ...I have been following a little girl Talia ...I first saw her on Ellen and thought she has such a contagious personality and such an old soul for her age...I immediately felt a connection is some way even though I never have met her...Talia was fighting 2 types of cancer which began at the precious age of 7. Today she lost that battle and is now a beautiful angel in Heaven. Like I said, I never met her but she instantly inspired me and made me want to fight and have a more positive energy about my cancer like she has about hers...she was so young but a very powerful, amazing and inspirational young woman. Talia you have touched so many peoples lives including mine and you will be greatly missed by so many...I am sad but also glad that she is no longer in pain and no longer has to worry about cancer anymore....I cried a few times today but prayed to Talia to give me the strength that she carried with her and to be able to inspire others in some way with my story. I also send love and peace and comfort to her family during this time. Fly High Talia.

Don't forget to tell your loved ones how much you love them, hug, laugh and share moments with the special people in your life....Life is way to short and we never know when it is our last moment here on earth...so don't waste it...use your time wisely and know that every second is precious. Until next time...

Amazing Grass.....No, not the kind you smoke ;)

Here is my review so far on Amazing Grass Green Superfood drink that I have been drinking on a daily basis. I drink 1-2 servings per day. This shake contains ingredients that are all 100% natural and organic. The ingredients are as follows; Acai, Alfalfa, carrot powder, blueberries, Goji Berries, Maca, rose hips, banana, barley grass, brown rice protein, organic dutch cocoa, cacao, hemp protein, digestive enzymes and active cultures(what is in yogurt) hemp seeds, green tea, flax seed powder, wheat grass powder, kale and many more good natural healthy ingredients. I was a little worried about the taste at first because I have tried a tea that is supposed to help the immune system before and I couldn't get past the taste/smell ..it tasted like rotten cabbage and I gagged every time I drank it..I actually enjoy drinking these shakes...they definitely have a earthy taste to them but very tolerable and I look forward to drinking it everyday. I actually missed a shake one day and felt like crap!!! I mix 1-2 scoops of the healthy concoction with 1 -2 oz of purified water( no tap water because who knows what chemicals are in that water!) and the rest with 7oz a low fat milk or you can also do a regular soy milk, almond soy milk or chocolate almond soy milk to boost the chocolate flavor...I never tried it with almond milk but would like to! So I  have been drinking this for about a week and this is what I noticed...I feel like I have a lot more energy most of the time..it gives me an instant energy boost! I also feel that by drinking it it helps to keep me fuller longer and I don't feel like I am suppressing any vitamins or food since I know it has all this good stuff in it! With the chemo I got the big D pretty much every day and that has almost completely stopped I think I may have gotten it once the entire week. I noticed the chemo induced acne has gotten a bit better so far. My body feels overall healthier and my mind feels a bit sharper at times....so far I would give this products an "A" I haven't been on it long enough to really get a good feel for it but so far so good I think. The only thing I would change is that it would mix a little bit better because I find that at the end of my drink some of the chunks of wheat grass are at the bottom and its a bit scratchy to swallow. I will keep everyone updated on how this product works for me and if it possibly does anything to the cancer tumors when I get my scans...I am not drinking this to think it will be some cure but I just want to give myself a good environment so that cancer can't grow as rapidly so we will see... I have read about superfoods to help with cancer quite a few times and so I decided what the hell I am going to give this a try...can't hurt!!.I know I have many many more changes to make with myself but one step at a time!! Till next time...

A BIG Thank You!

I just wanted to write a quick blog thanking everyone for the amazing and thoughtful sunshine bags I have received while going through chemo. These bags really brightened my days and gave me something to look forward to. You all are so thoughtful and it made me feel so loved and supported. A special thank you to my amazing sister/ bestie Kelli and my wonderful sister in law Ronice for coming up with this idea! I love you both! You guys are awesome and I am so thankful for you two!  I have said this many times but because of the wonderful support I get from so many people I continue to get stronger and stronger every day...also thank you to all the people for the very thoughtful cards I receive and still continue to receive even from people I have never met and for the wonderful donations Jon and I received from the donation site my parents set up to help us out! Thank you both again Mom & Dad for doing that for us! We love you! We are truly blessed and I feel overwhelmed with happiness and am so thankful...even though my cancer is "techniquely" too far along to go into remission or for me to be cured unless a cure is found.. I will Always have faith & hope and because of God and all of you, I feel that I will beat the odds and kick this cancers ass and will not go down without a fight..so get used to me because I am planning and being around for a longgg time!! :) I can't thank you all enough for all of the support you have shown me throughout my journey and I know will continue to show me, my husband and my family! Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.. I love you all!

Another quick note....today I made another beautiful memory with my Niece McCartney and my Husband Jon..McCartney Came along for a day of adventures....we first went to my Dr appointment in Philly...she made the appointment a lot easier for me and she must have calmed me down because my blood pressure was the best it has been so far! I did get a little emotional inside at times because I wish that was a place we didn't have to visit but I am glad she was along for the ride and she has been yet another person who has kept me going and strong. Sometimes children are the best medicine because of their views on this crazy world, innocence and bubbly personalities. We then went to the Elmwood Zoo in Norristown. It was such a cute zoo and we had a fun time! I really hope McCartney enjoyed herself as much as we did! Aunt Kristin and Uncle Jon love you soo much McCartney!! xoxox Until next time....

Inspiration and Strength....

I have been feeling pretty decent lately....I'm starting to adjust more and more to having cancer and just accepting it as a part of my life. I'm trying not to let it take over and to just live life as normal as possible...but what is normal now a days :P I've been feeling more like myself lately...I think part of that has been because I've been trying to get out more and do more things and it feels good. I'm trying not to let the tiredness affect me too much although I know some days I just need to rest and that is OK. I have used my cancer as a crutch or excuse in the past and I will admit I still do at certain times and I want to try really hard not to. I want to just start really living and experiencing different things. I want to explore and to just be happy. I am getting there. I will always have my days where I cry or am upset or think about things but I try not to let there be too many days like that. It's funny some days I don't feel sick at all...I love days like that but also have to be careful because I usually over do it a little when I feel like that and then the next few days are not the greatest. Like I always say though just gotta take one day at a time...

 I have been following a little girl Talia Castellano...I saw her about a week ago on Ellen and she blew my mind. She is 13 and is in the fight of her life battling 2 different forms of cancer since the young age of 7. She has been doing makeup since she has been very young and her talent is astounding. She is not only beautiful on the outside but is such a beautiful young soul on the inside as well. Her smile is contagious and she completely inspires me with her strength. Sometimes these children who are fighting illness are the most inspiring of all..they always have a smile or a laugh and are so upbeat and positive. Its amazing how one person who you don't know can touch your life... Talia has been in the hospital and continues to fight very hard. I pray that God gives her strength to get through this and gives her and her family peace and comfort.

Beautiful Talia

Amazing makeup she does

until next time...