Not the greatest news..

 Hello! Just a short update and video today. I got results back yesterday from my scans I had done on Tuesday and they were not completely stable as I hoped. My liver which is the organ that they are watching more carefully due to it having the most metastasis has continued to progress more. The chemo I have been on for the last 10 months has stopped working for my liver. Starting towards the end of November I will be most likely be starting my third chemo so far called serafanib. There are also some other options that can also be discussed such as another chemo that is still currently in trial and also possibly some discussion of possible liver surgery but we will discuss it all I am sure and figure out the best option. The video below is a bit of a personal video to all of you. I apologize about my appearance its been one of those days today! I'm sure you all understand!! I'll keep updating what's next in this journey I am on...God bless all of you..until next time...

Also you can click here to visit our gofundme site. I also added an update there as well...thank you all for your love and support!! Any little bit had helped us so much!! ♥

A world full of suffering = A world full of overcoming.

So it is about 6:30am and God has been chirping little thoughts and ideas into my mind. This is typically what happens when I blog...all of these thoughts and feelings come to me about a certain topic and it won't stop until I get them written down. I had them very strongly last night but could not get the right words to leave my mouth or in this case my fingers to type. So I will try my best to type those feelings out as they come to me. If things don't make sense sometimes..I apologize but i'lI just have to go with the flow!

The word or idea that has come to mind is the word suffering. This is something many do not want to go through, but also many of us have in our own ways, whether emotionally, physically, spiritually or through other ways. It is a word people don't necessarily like to talk about and typically doesn't have anything good or appealing to do with it but...what if we changed our way of thinking a bit?

some days the physical and psychological pain of having a chronic and very serious illness can feel very overwhelming for me. Honestly, many say to me "stay strong" or " keep positive!" They are all very encouraging and I am very grateful to have a wonderful support system, but honestly along with that, I need those days to not have to put on a front or act like i am feeling well or good...I am sure many cancer patients or others with chronic illness can relate....I think sometimes I could win an Emmy award for best performance on faking how good I feel. Its hard because people who are not sick or going through anything major don't understand...and that is OK! I would never wish or hope for them to understand, so its just easier to say "I'm fine or well" today. I think the person who unfortunately truly sees how sick I can be is of course my Hubby. I know its not easy for him. Some days I try to act "fine" for him too but he knows me too well and I can't hide it. Although we have had some ups and downs during our cancer journey together and I'm sure will continue to have rocky moments,I must say that i am so blessed and thankful from the man that my Husband Jon  is and the strength, courage and love he has for me. I can only imagine that it's not easy at all.

Now that kind of went off a little bit to what I originally wanted to talk about. The idea or word suffering. Maybe suffering is not necessarily a bad thing. On days I feel i suffer, I try to remember that God just wants me to be closer to him and come to him. He wants me to lay all of these pains and burdens before him and to realize He will never abandon me. Through suffering, I feel its gives you a chance to be more humble and really understand the true meaning of life on Earth, which many take for granted. Suffering also "provides patience through tribulation." Romans 5:3

I feel suffering gives you more compassion and a deeper depth of faith and hope. I have heard people say " If God is such a great God, then why do people suffer?" I know some days we feel the suffering more then others, however we must also remember this. When God first created this world it was perfect, but then by the power of free will and disobeying humans, sin was created. These sufferings and catastrophes happen because we are the ones who created sin in this world. There is still a beautiful light at the end of the tunnel though, that day when Jesus comes back again to rid this world of all sin and suffering. This shall be a true blessing to all who truly and whole-heartedly follow our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. What a rejoiceful day it will be!! Another thing I always try to remember is the extreme suffering, pain & many excruciating moments He went through when he carried and died on the cross for us....all of that he went through for each and everyone of us. He did this so one day we can be in eternal Paradise with him and to be in a place with more beauty and love one can only just begin to dream about. A place with no more pain or suffering. He did this all for us. I always think well if Jesus can carry that burden and suffer for me and die for my sins then I can absolutely do this for him. This cancer is my cross to bear for Him. Until next time...

"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." (Rev. 21:4).