I've missed you...

 Hello to all of you! Wow, it has been quite a while since I blogged! I have had some difficulties with blogging since my computer broke and I just recently got a tablet but honestly it's still is not the same as my trusty laptop because it takes me a lot longer but it will work for the time being! Last time i blogged was in May I believe...wow, time truly does fly! I will update everyone on any new cancer news later but first I was laying here and my mind started thinking about cancer in general. Cancer does not judge. It doesn't care how old you are, if you are male or female, if you are a child or an adult,if you're small or big, if you are tall or short and the list can go on and on...cancer just simply exists to multiply in your body and pretty much destroy it. That is pretty much it's only mission. It is a very horrible and ugly disease. Cancer is cancer and it doesn't matter what form or type it is, to me all cancer is looked at the same and I can sum it up in two simple words...not good. I am bringing this up because I remember several times making the statement that "cancer has changed me." I keep thinking about my statement and I can't sit here and give credit to something so horrible especially when no credit is due. Cancer has not changed me...I feel that God has used cancer to help me to change and believe me I am still working on myself every single day because change is not easy.I believe that yes, cancer has given me a big reality check to wake up and to realize there is so much more to life then many of us are willing to open our eyes up to see. I believe God has a big plan for me through all of this...although I admit, I don't understand yet but I trust that one day that little light bulb will go off and it will be revealed in someway. Then again,maybe it won't while I am still here on Earth but either way I still trust whole heartedly in Him. I think God has brought cancer into my life to help me to believe and have faith and to become closer to Him. He has brought it to me to realize how much strength I truly have and to begin to realize my own self worth. So the credit does not go to cancer. The credit goes to God.

Update on cancer: last scans showed minimal growth in one of my liver nodules...now growth is never good however, it was so minimal that I still stayed on the same chemo but have just upped my dose a bit. My next scans will be next week and the results appointment will be August 7th. I'm sure starting next week I'll get my anxiety and anxiousness but for now I'm just worrying about taking each day as it comes this week.  I have also had all sorts of issues I've been dealing with since last blog..I had bronchitis, also blood in my urine and pain...also on top of that still dealing with a wacked out thyroid hormone level...which in turn has been causing all kinds of hypo issues. I recently visited a urologist who suggested I get a urine culture and CT scan to check for kidney stones..I should be getting those results soon. I think the hardest thing for me lately is feeling like my body is giving in a little and not knowing if its cancer or any of the other issues. Not only is it frustrating but scary when you are having more "bad" days then good. My whole body just hurts constantly...the aches and pains never seem to stop but I try my best to put them to the back of my mind and not think about it too much. If I listened to how my body feels most of the time then I would never be out of bed....but I refuse to let this stupid cancer take over. I'll continue to fight before I roll over and let this cancer take me down!! That's for sure!

I also want to mention about a meddie friend of mine who has passed since my last blog. Her name is Sarah. I never met Sarah in person however, we were close in age and I felt shared a bond and understanding for each other. Sarah had the same cancer as me and we met through a support group online.Sarah was extremely strong and brave during her fight. She always seemed to put on a happy face and just overflowed with positivity. I really looked up to her and was and still is truly inspired by her. I think about her all the time but also am happy she no longer has to deal with the physical, mental and emotional pains of cancer any more. She is now free and made whole again. May God continue to bless the rest of her family with strength, love and encouragement. Until next time..